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Posts Tagged ‘Cat’

Prison Kittens

Two mommy cats and their six kittens have recently been released from an area prison, where they had been furtively fed by inmates, surviving on a diet of canned Vienna sausage, procured by inmates at the prison canteen.

Last sighted around the Cat Adoption Team facility, a Wilmington, NC cat rescue group, the cats are on the prowl again, looking for new homes. Area residents are warned these cats are armed with dangerous weapons to steal your heart, including extreme cuteness, loud purrs, and beseeching stares.

We are asking the public to come forth and adopt these cats and kittens in order to forestall any possibility they will end up in prison again.

To see the Prison Cats/Kittens, please send a message to catadoptionteam(at)earthlink.net.

To help raise money to spay/neuter these kittties, Cat Above is offering a coupon good for the purchase of any of its cat hammocks at www.catabove.com. When you use coupon R102 at checkout, you will get $5 off your purchase and the Cat Adoption Team will get a $5 donation.

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Reader Questions: Nancy in Omaha

Dear Nancy,

You are not alone. Many households struggle with the same problem. Here are some suggestions.

First, remove the beautiful heirloom glass vase and stash it away in the closet. Heirloom glass vases do not belong on the same table with a cat. Although cats are extremely careful with heirloom glass, sooner or later, in the excitement over a bird, an accident is bound to happen.

Second, you might want to remove the chairs surrounding the table, especially if they are the kind with high back. Having to jump over this hurdle is sure to increase the unintentional scratching of chair backs and table.

It goes without saying that the tablecloth should be removed and reserved for special occasions, such as Thanksgiving and Christmas, when your guests can take turns guarding the table. Make sure you invite enough guests to guard the table at all time, and of course extra vigilance is needed when setting the table for the big meal. Cats are more excited about live birds than dead turkeys, but there’s a certain allure to that turkey you lovingly prepared (for your guests, not the cat).

Final note, over time, your tabletop will inevitably resemble an erosion plane. No, you will not need to cover it with a tablecloth. But to avoid the cost of a professional refinisher, you might want to visit one of the many DIY websites that teach you how to refinish the table yourself. I can assure you, based on feedback from other cat lovers, that there is great satisfaction in learning a new skill, such as dining room table refinishing, especially as it also applies to other wood surfaces in your home.

Finally, if DIY is not your thing, you may want to consider purchasing a cat tree and placing it by the window.

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It was Saturday morning. I was at the computer applying pale peach nail polish to my fingernails. In the middle of doing that, I had an idea for a story and started writing. Kippy, one of my seven kitties, was lounging on the desk, helping the story along by alternately pushing the cap lock or tab keys as needed.

It is Saturday morning. The forecast has said fifty percent chance of rain and the sky is a flawless blue. She is sitting at the kitchen table, her fingers spread in front of her, waiting for the pale peach nail polish to dry. The window panes are projecting sharp sun-yellow rectangles on the butcher block. She looks at the pattern of light, regular, repeating, until it cascades off the table onto the linoleum floor. She is irritated, but she doesn’t know why. Her daughter is in the living room at the piano, playing Bach. The rhythm lurches forward and stumbles, corrected wrong notes punctuating the music with randomly placed exclamation marks. Hell, thinks Carla in her irritation, the girl has lead fingers, tin ears. She wonders why she has been paying Mrs. Kramski for piano lessons the past six years, why Heather continues doggedly to practice, practice, practice, without the thrill of accomplishment, without hope. She remembers the old joke: How do you get to Carnegie Hall? Practice, practice, practice, and she sneers.

She thinks she has pinpointed the source of her discontent, until her eyes focus on what she has been staring at absentmindedly all along: the bottle of nail polish, bathed in the yellow light. “Why on earth did I buy pale peach?” she thinks.

The doorbell rings, mercifully suspending the piano playing in mid-phrase. The bell also distracts Carla from her irritation and she is unhappy. Carla likes to wallow in her moods undisturbed, likes to travel through the nuances of her feelings, as a befuddled tourist would navigate through a foreign city without a map, trying to decipher the unfamiliar landscape.

The doorbell rang. I stopped writing and got up to answer the door. When I returned, there was an overturned nail polish bottle on my desk and a lovely pail peach paw print on the black keyboard. I am irritated and I do know why.

Filed under: Cats help life imitate art.
Alternative filing: Fiction writing with cat-assist.

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I found Kippy when she was a four-week old motherless kitten. Four years later, Kippy is about to become a published celebrity.

She has been chosen to appear in the I Can Has Cheezburger (www.icanhascheezburger.com) book titled I Can Has Cheezburger?: Lolcats Teach U How To Take Over Teh Wurld, due for publication in September, 2009.

Earlier, her first encounter with fame occurred when she became the website mascot of my online cat products store (www.catabove.com).

Here is Kippy’s photo for the book.
kippy-on-quilt-006-e

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So you have a home office – and that is your only office. And you commute regularly from your bedroom to the aforementioned office. You don’t even need to get dressed until 8:00 PM when you remember that you haven’t had breakfast yet (not to mention lunch and dinner) and when you open the refrigerator, you’re looking at an expanse of glass shelves covered by hints of meals past but nothing indicating possibilities for breakfast, lunch or dinner now.

You finally cast off what you slept in (was this also what I wore to the office yesterday?), throw on something to cover the lower half and something else to cover the top half of your body, hoping the two parts make a coherent assemblage, or at least meet in the middle to cover your midriff, which used to be presentable several decades ago, but at this hour of the night you’d rather not scare the college kids you’ll encounter at the supermarket purchasing their daily quota of alcohol, because what your midriff is saying is “this is what happens after 44,000 snacks,” since while you tend to forget about breakfast, lunch, and sometimes dinner, snacks are entirely a different matter.

To make a short story long, one day I realized that I had spent the last six months circling between the bedroom, office, and kitchen and other than talking on the phone to disembodied voices, I was chatting face-to-face only with my cats. My extended trips were to the supermarket and to the pet store. Didn’t even get near the mall, because who needs clothes when you commute from one room to another?

Clearly it was time to take a trip. I mean a real trip, to Laos, Vietnam, or Alaska. I settled on Amsterdam, where my cousin had an apartment I could use for a whole week while he was away. The only stipulation was that I look after his precious cat Zelda. He said Zelda should never go out. He failed to mention that Zelda didn’t know that and the first thing that Zelda did when I opened the door was dart out. I spent my first five days in Amsterdam searching for the cat. Got to know that little suburb of Amsterdam quite well, including backyards and the pet store where I bought lots of smelly canned cat food at exorbitant prices. Had some explaining to do to the police called by suspicious neighbors who saw me prowling among the bushes at night. But in the end I did spend two wonderful days exploring Amsterdam. And those last two nights I also had a good face-to-face chat with my cousin’s cat.

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Before you set out to get a cat, you should be very clear on why you’re getting a feline companion.

Today I’d like to discuss one important reason to get a cat: a health reason.  Studies have shown that petting a cat lowers your blood pressure.  As so many Americans suffer from this silent affliction – and you may be one of them – to safeguard your health, you should definitely look into adopting a cat.

A minor caveat.  Owning a cat to lower blood pressure is counter-indicated if your blood pressure rises when any of the following occur:

–  Your cat helps you cook by giving directions from the top of the refrigerator

–  Your cat helps you cook by removing certain non-essential ingredients from the recipe, such as the chicken from your chicken casserole

–  Your cat helps you cook by adding essential ingredients to your chicken casserole, such as a dead chickadee it hunted especially for the occasion

–  Your cat helps you cook by garnishing your creamed chicken casserole with a light sprinkle of dark cat hair

If you don’t cook, this caveat does not apply to you.  However, watch out for other potentially blood pressure raising cat behaviors, such as new couch scratching, spraying your grandma’s heirloom dresser, or licking your ears at 5:00 AM.

If your heart is still set upon owning a cat, make sure you counter these ill-effects of cat ownership by petting your new cat for at least an hour in the morning, and a recommended two-three hours before bedtime.

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My cat’s tail was high up in the air, and mine, if it hadn’t been extinct for somewhere between 40,000 and one million years, would have been in the same position. We were both ready to pounce on the green lizard between us. The poor lizard had no idea that its life span would be determined in the next few second by who would win the fight over it, my cat or me.

Suddenly my teenage daughter,accompanied by her two best friends, burst out of the house.

It’s bad enough to have a geriatric mother (Whether you’re 39, 49 or 59, as far as your teenage kids are concerned, you’re way past your prime.). But the humiliation of your friends seeing your mother in a cat pose on the lawn is hard to describe!

Moral of the story: next time you assume a cat pose, do it in yoga class.

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